Here is a question you’ve never been asked before.
Why do you want Jesus to do the miraculous and ever redemptive work of revealing His true love and forgiveness to you?Don’t regurgitate an answer from Sunday school or Catechism. Tell me why, really.
In my pain and anxiety this morning, I asked Jesus to reveal this truth to me anew. He looked back at me, into my wounds, and asked, “Why?”
I felt my hand raising up in true I-know-this-one fashion as multiple answers shot to the forefront of my mind but kindness patted my answers in the rear and sent them back to their seats.
Why? Why do I claw at His robes to gain even a drop of His redemptive power? Why do I want to know that Jesus loves me- a 21st century, 20 something, hot mess with chipped nail polish? Why do I want to know that Jesus loves me? Do I really want Jesus? Or do I just want the love? Don’t you get both?
In a truly love starved world, we come to Jesus completely parched for a drop of true, pure, soul quenching love. Don’t get me wrong, He has it to give, oh goodness does He have it to give, but why are we coming to Him truly? It is for Him or is it for the relief His pure love gives us? Please don’t take this as me suggesting that Jesus withholds His love from us for the sake of a life lesson. On the contrary, He pours it out on us every second of every day. I want to suggest that He is offering us an even purer, more intimate form of love than that of what we seek. It causes me to stop and ask, “Why do I want to know Jesus to loves me? Is it all for me?”
I’ll be honest with you, in all my rags and sorrow, I just want Jesus to reveal this marvelous revelation so the pain will end and there will be everlasting joy. I just want the heavy burden of feeling lonely and unloved to go away. And there, I think, is where Jesus is asking me that entirely strange question. He sees my disillusionment and, in love, calls me out of it. He causes me to wait a moment longer and stare Him in the face and truly answer.
“Jesus, I want to know you love me and know me. I want to know you’ve forgiven me because…”