I read a really defeating article/blog post yesterday. It was called something like, “Men Want Debt Free, Tattoo Free, Virgins”. The writer cited a variety of bible versus. As many readers commented, they kept waiting for the ‘just kidding’ ending but that never came. This particular writer firmly believes that men do not want women who have debt, tattoos, and a lack of purity and, as women, it is our responsibility not to give that to them.  You can look up the article if you’d like to read it but I don’t plan to link you to it for multiple reasons. First, I am not here to attack the author as, perhaps, now many women feel they have been. Second, I do not want to associate myself with a standard that I know I will never be able to live up to and, therefore, I do not want to risk doing the same to you. Show me a blog about downing an entire half gallon of ice cream in one Netflix episode. I can live up to that. I’ll link you to that.

I didn’t write a post yesterday and I think part of that is because I was really wrestling with how this person was utilizing their influence. I’d love to have the followers this author has and have one of my posts go viral, but not because of the reasons their post did.

People. I am going to be honest with you as I have been up until now and I will continue to be. If you haven’t figured it out already, I am not a perfect example of a godly woman. Apparently, by some standards, I am far from it. I might be one of many bringing college debt, tattoos, and broken purity into a marriage. As much as I joke about my singleness and vocalize my desire to be married, I also know that this season of life is allowing my gracious God the time to heal and redeem my brokenness. Trust me, the last thing I want to do is ‘burden’ my future husband with debt or have a conversation about my dark past. But this is also my story and I believe a God fearing man will find the space between condemnation and the grace of the cross and that is where he will ask me to marry him. Isn’t this where we all are? Are we not all standing in the shadow of the torn curtain in the temple?

I will not condemn or affirm this authors words for the word of God is flawless truth but I believe there is also great shame, guilt, and expectation in the interpretation. My heart breaks for this author and I pray they experience the kind of divine grace that can reach through worldly things like bank accounts, painted flesh, and mistakes and purify, redeem, and reclaim.

The Old Testament and Jesus both state that not one word of the law will pass away. But Jesus also says that his blood sets our sins as far as the east is from the west. What a gloriously heavy tension for you and I to live in. Is it not also beautiful? I would rather spend the rest of my life acknowledging how I do not deserve my salvation but have been given it anyways rather than attempt to earn it. Because here is another truth; I never, ever, will.

I feel like I have to to tell you, this place, ToBeKT, this will be a place where we live in the tension of an undeserved salvation given anyways because of the blood of Jesus. I will do my best never to make you feel like you’re not good enough or unworthy of something because, Lord knows, I have enough of that inside me for all of us.  However, I do acknowledge that the Lord has put his words in my mouth and has asked me to call a lost people home. That will involve heart wrenching conviction and tearful repentance resulting in unhindered praise.

Please. Come as you are. Read freely and know I am struggling with you. I have debt, a tattoo, and broken purity and if a man does not want me because of that, I don’t want him either. All I want, is my Jesus to want me. I know he does because he thought of you and I as he died on the face of Golgotha.

I read through 1 Samuel 16 this morning. It is a historic account of how David was placed in the audience of Saul, preparing him for kingship over God’s chosen.

The Lord told Samuel, his prophet, as he looked at the most attractive of Jesse’s sons, “Do not consider his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7.

This was the Lord’s response as each of Jesse’s sons passed by the horn of anointing oil in Samuel’s hands. All but one.

When David was summoned from his humble place among the sheep (verse11-12), the Lord made an unexpected choice, “Rise and anoint him; this is the one. So Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the presence of his brothers, and from that day on the Spirit of the Lord came powerfully upon David.”(verse 12-13).

The story continues in describing how Saul, the current king, is tormented by an evil spirit from the Lord. Saul is advised to seek out one who plays the lyre so that its’ sweet music may bring him rest. Guess who plays the lyre?

“Whenever the spirit from God came on Saul, David would take up his lyre and play. Then relief would come to Saul; he would feel better, and the evil spirit would leave him.” 1 Samuel 16:12

There are many parts of this chapter that encourage and challenge me. Will I accept an anointing I cannot possibly live up to on my own? How can an evil spirit come from the Lord, yet, also the answer for relief?

I won’t unpack these thoughts today for this post is already reaching a great length…

However, I will leave you with this observation of my own life; I am tormented, daily, by my very own evil spirit. I accept that it is my part in the burden of Christ. I also acknowledge that, wherever the spirit comes from, I know my relief comes from the Lord. Despite my outward appearance, my past, or my bank account, He has, quite unexpectedly, poured a horn of anointing oil over my head. As the perfume fills my lungs and sinks into my skin, I am reminded that the hand anointing me is Jesus.

He anoints you too, friend.

Will you humble yourself and come as you are?

Today’s Challenge: Pray for you.

 

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